The Feuerbachers

So I end up rooming with Kirk Feuerbacher or "fish Feuerbacher".  And he is a 
freshman with his brother Dave.  Both in B-Company.  Which posed a problem.
How would we know which "fish Fueuerbacher" was which.  So the upperclassmen
dubbed them "fish Feuerbacher East" and "Fish Feuerbacher West" based on which
side of the hallway they lived on. Man, they got great nicknames.  By far the
most amusing thing about them was that one was circumcised and one wasn't. So
when we as the "Class of '93" got nicknames, this was an inevitable distinction.
Their "official" nicknames for propriety's sake were "Yes I am" and "No
I'm not". But privately we called them many nicknames.  My all time favorite was 
"Snipped" and "Skipped".

Those guys were hilarious. Trombone and trumpet players.  And great
friends.  Two of my fish buddies. Dave and Kirk were close, and they lived
in rooms right across the hall from each other in the fall of 1989.  One
morning I remember Dave needed a shiny belt buckle because 1st platoon was
getting inspected.  So Kirk gets an extra belt buckle, takes a glance
under the door, and then skids the buckle across the hall to Dave.  I
always wondered if some upperclassmen was in the hall, and heard the sound
of a sliding metallic object, looked around, and then said, "Naw..." to
themselves.  Anyway, the feuby twins had the best act in town. They used
to do this routine at the behest of the upperclassmen (they are going to
kill me if they ever read this).  It was called "Siamese Twins on a Roller
Coaster". They would mutilate this XXX-large tshirt, cut a second neck,
both get in, and stick their left and right arms out of the arm hole on
their respective sides, and make it look like they were a two headed guy.

Then they would "waddle" to an ethereal ticket counter, and ask in unison,
"One please?" then look at each other and say "Works every time." Then
they would act as if they were being strapped into a roller coaster, and
then start leaning back making "click, click, click" noises like the
coaster being jacked up for the fall.  Then, in what I can only describe
as pure hilarity, they would start dipping and leaning back and to the
sides as if being torn by incredible G-forces and crying out in mock
terror (in unison of course).  At the end, they would jerk to a halt, and
say "Roller Coaster". I kid you not, one of the funniest things I have
ever seen.

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Copyright © Richard Hay 1998